Category Archives: Travel

Just another mind full of humor #2

Note- If you’re a person who gets pissed off easily on matters which aren’t even that appalling or if you are a kind whose feminism and chauvinism rise to the level where no one can bear to talk to you anymore, then I am politely asking…don’t read any further.

Do you like Tits?

What would your reaction be for such kind of question? Well if you’re a guy, most probably you’d say -“yeah absolutely”(just in case you’re interested in more masculine features only then maybe the answer could differ). If you’re a girl, then again the answer depends on your sexual orientation(lesbian alert). But why am I asking this… is that what you thinking? Well, coz someone else asked me that and I thought what if I ask it to everyone else. So here I am asking-“Do you like tits?

 

Well, now what was my response if you feel like knowing. So the point is, that well almost most of the times I am seen by my acquaintances as a person who just studies and does nothing else aka called Nerd. Though I am seriously not a Nerd. So one of my well known friend(a girl…the significance of why I specified it to be a girl will be quite clear in a moment) came to me while I was studying in library and said these beautiful four words terminated by a question mark- Do you like Tits? Maybe now you know why I mentioned that person being a girl coz it’s quite uncommon in India.

As commonly expected I said in a very perplexed manner- “Yeah? 😛That’s an obvious answer. But why you asking this…you like them too? 😳 Coz that would be something absolutely new.” With a poker face 😒 she replied-“Shut up… All day I see you here in this stupid library studying and doing nothing else. Don’t you have a life beyond the boundaries of this bookish world?”

“Girl don’t go off the track here. You were saying something about Tits.” I asked with a curious expression on my face, “So how are tits related to my studies and all?”

She said-“Why you all men are same? That was just an anonymous question that are you even interested in anything else than your bookish crap. Listening to your response, it seems you aren’t that nerd after all.”

“Girl, you’ve no idea how many tits I’ve touched my whole life, you can’t even guess.”

“Really? How many? Seeing at your current state… I bet not even a single one.”

“Well there were 26 cows in my farm and each cow have 4 tits, so it would be 104 tits in total. See…a century of tits”, and then I raised my pen in the air like a batsman does after scoring a century.


(See how happy a cow gets when someone milk her tits.)

That was all she could bear to listen and thus she left. Well, what other response a farmer could’ve possibly given? She talked about tits and I told her the truth. But I am still saying, I am not a nerd.

But hey talking about cows. You all know how sacred a cow is to all the Hindus in India right! Well, let’s not talk about the religious stuff here. So what I wanna tell is that I have a unique habit of manipulating languages that I know. I am no expert of any language but well that doesn’t affect my habit. For example, one of my friends once asked me that what kind of girlfriend do you wish for. I thought for a while and said- “an intellectual bimbo”. So now you can all guess why I am still single.(a 2 minute silence for those who didn’t understand this).

So well moving on…as I was saying that languages can be so so funny sometimes; given that you know more than one. Yeah so I was on my to the college and saw two cows standing erect in middle of the road like they usually like to stand, though I’ve no idea why they suddenly forget to walk in middle of the road. Anyway, so I have a hobby to talk to animals(it’s a really nice hobby let me tell ya), so while passing by them I said little out loud-“Hey Gais(cows)”. 

 

And just beside them on the other end of the road three girls were standing and they looked back and replied -“Oh Hi” ☺️. They were quite good looking, so a wave of hand was all I offered in response though they thought I was gonna say something more. So that turned out to be totally opposite. On the other hand, the cows didn’t even replied back, how rude right?

So if you ask that how come I came to find out this amazing similarity between languages…well it goes way back to my school days. I can still recall that day. Our school had recently won indoor cricket tournament trophy and the team was on the stage and were being praised and applauded in front of the whole assembly. Just then our principal came and said-“look at these guys and learn something from them.” As soon as he said ‘Guys’, a loud ‘Moo’ came from the house built at the back of our school. So that day I learned that even Cows are very educated creatures…well at least they know their name. 😂

Talking about these so funny similarities between names… well I saw something really interesting yesterday in my news feed on fb- 

Now imagine an Indian visiting Turkey and asking for a dish made of Turkey- “I’d like to have Turkish meatballs.” The waiter would get furious since he is himself Turkish and don’t know that you’re actually asking about the bird 👿. But he still replies keeping his calm- “Sir we don’t have Turkish meatballs, but we’ve Hindi meatball instead.” And well who knows if you’re a Hindu, you might take that as an offensive joke. Now just imagine I’ve not even talked about the scenarios in case of other countries. So languages can create such hilarious situations.

One more such instance which I can recall is when I was on a train to Coimbatore for my SSB. So many a times and in almost all the stations where a train stops, you will find vendors selling various kind of things, mostly eatables. Since speaking English or Hindi is not their forte, but they still try to speak ’em to sell their items. Though sometimes it results into some unique situations. Like, they usually say Khaina’ instead of usual Hindi word for food- Khana’. Now most of the times people traveling in these trains get a wrong impression and start looking for the person who they think is selling the commonly known tobacco product ‘Khaini’. So well that happened quite a few times while I was travelling.

 

And guess what I found in Google while searching for images of Khaini


So now we know what Brad Pitt is busy with nowadays.

Now coming back to my story of my travel to the southern India. When our train stopped in Tirupati I saw a kid carrying a basket full of Samosas. Since morning I had seen so many unusual things, that seeing a familiar face was like a delight to me. I called the boy and asked how much for one Samosa. He said something in Telugu or Tamil, now I’ve no idea in which language, but he said something. Okay, so all I could understand was dus ke teen and the word-‘Singdya’. Now to the people who don’t know, in Garhwali(since I am a Garhwali) Singdya term is used for a person whose nose is flowing all the time, I mean exactly like this little kid in this image-


I was like what did you just say to me? Singdya? Why would I buy Singdya? Just then a guy sitting beside me said-“Singdya is a local name for Samosa here”. So that’s how I learned that not just the languages, even the dialects have similarities with other languages.

Too long? So let’s finish this post with one more such funny instance related to language. What’s the first thing we are interested in knowing in a language about which we don’t know anything? Any idea? Come on… make a normal guess…it’s not that hard.

Well either it is how to say I love you, which I can guarantee I can say in 15 different languages including the most difficult one that I find to speak in i.e. Manipuri-“ei nang yamna nungshiye”. So now that I am so good in saying I Love You in Manipuri, all I need now is a cute Manipuri girl to say this to… right? Anyway, what’s the second one then? I’ll tell you, it’s cursing someone, yeah the slangs(gaaliyan). Right?

So now that’s not something which interests me in a language. I am more of a romantic person so learning to say I Love You in a language is something quite of an interest to me. But coming back to the incident.

So I was inside the Indian Naval Academy for my SSB and with me there were 62 other guys(men okay, not Gais again… to be really clear). So at night before taking a nap few of us decided to take a bath and well I thought it’s a great idea so I asked to join them as well. It took me a while to get my undergarments and reach the common bathroom. Others were already there laughing about something. I asked them what’s there to laugh, tell me as well. One of my batch-mate said-“Ai Poda Patti”. And they all started laughing again. After a while, one of the guys told me that it’s a slang. The guy who was actually saying it left just after that and me presuming that since he was Marathi so the slang would be in Marathi only, thought of having some fun and went back to my dorm and said it on the face of another guy-“Ai Poda Patti”. Okay before I explain what happened next, this slang is in Malayalam and the guy I said this to was a Malayali himself and adding to that he was 6’2” with a stout body. Now you can imagine what would had happened next. So next time before having some fun with another language, be really careful. And guess what, the meaning of Poda Patti is not that lovely even though it sounds so similar to Potty 💩.

So I hope you Gais enjoyed. And do comment and like if you really liked the post.

Road to home!

Quite often while traveling from one place to another interesting things happen with you. Well this article is not about that interesting part but rather just explaining what can actually happen around you when you travel.

So here I was going back home after 3 months. My exams had finished just two weeks back. Okay cutting all the crap about why I was still in Delhi for two more weeks… just come to the part where I prepared my bag and all and was about to leave. I got about millions of calls from my parents back at home…telling me same thing again and again that what to do and what not to(you all know how parents are). So moving on… It was 9PM and pretty cool outside as it rained that day. I had chosen to go at night coz it was summer time and same day in afternoon I heard that 2300 people had died by now due to heat wave in India. So naturally as I wanted to live more in this awesome world… I thought to leave at night…coz I knew my fluffy body won’t survive the heat outside.

So I left at 9 and reached Kashmere Gate by 10.30. Now one thing that always bothers me is this name. It is spelled as Kashmere Gate…though we all know it is Kashmiri! Right? Even my spell checker in my PC right now is indicating that it is wrong and has marking it red. I guess Kashimiri people were highly offended by that so they asked to change it…well after all everyone want there own privacy… Right?

So moving on… I came out the metro and tried to find a normal bus. Well to be honest, with my attire and all many Volvo guys get excited to see me every time like hey- “that’s our Chicken to devour tonight”. Well I feel so good about the honor they give me…but it feels really sad too coz I have to deny them all. I can’t afford 600 bucks to reach Haridwar you see. In fact with 600 Rs I could go back and forth and come back again. Well so finally after 10 or 15 minutes of searching I found a normal bus- with “Dulari” written on the top. Well looking at that bus I could bet that it wasn’t treated as per her name. So anyways, as I entered into Dulari… everyone started staring at me. Well here’s a thing, it’s like a ritual in normal buses that as soon as someone new enters…everyone wanna have a look that how this new one looks like and where will this one sit. Well truth is…in case of men, most young guys are waiting for a beautiful lady to enter…which is actually very rare to happen…but come on…we are guys…we never loose hope. And I have no idea how young girl’s think in this case…coz trust me I’ve rarely seen any girl traveling alone in a normal bus. They feel rather more safe in the Volvo.

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The rest of the passengers just try to check who is the newcomer who’s gonna sit beside them…coz you know what…it is kinda important to know that. Many a times the person turns out to be a trickster…one who befriends you and all and then making you smell something…gets you unconscious and rest you can imagine what he does. Hey don’t imagine any sexual thing…I mean he takes your stuff and all… I am pretty sure thieves in India are that much sincere that they focus in just their work. You know what… here’s a thought, I think that there should be reservation for thieves as well…after all they could be such great workers. Right? Well when government can give reservation to almost anyone then what’s wrong with thieves? Okay jokes apart. Moving on….

So I took a seat beside a quite old looking man. He was a typical Garhwali. I could easily tell that by just one glimpse at him. It was a three seater and he was the only one sitting on it…obviously covering the window. Here’s a fun fact, no matter how old we get we all want the window seat. Just accept that this craving for window seat never goes away in anyone. No matter in what kinda vehicle you are and what your age is…everyone wants window seat. So anyways… I searched whole bus for a window seat(lol…well I am no different) and when I found that all are already taken so I went to that available three seater. I had headphones on my ears…so just lowering lil voice I asked- “are these seats taken?” He said something without looking towards me which I was unable to hear at first so I asked him again. Now this time he had a good look at me and trust me when I say this- the only thing which that man would had thought was good in me would be my “Wildcraft” bag that I was carrying. His face was like as if he was literally disgusted to see me. Well call it generation gap or what but this is actually a fact that middle aged people or old one’s from my state UK(sounds better than Uttarakhand right) are so so disgusted to see anyone walking with headphones on. And I’ve no idea why are they all like that. For example my father himself is so bugged with these little innovative devices that he rather prefers calling them “Feeders” instead of headphones, coz according to him these just feed music inside our ears. Well he is right to very extent…but why does he hate them, that I’ve no idea. I never asked him why…coz I seriously don’t wanna have long heated discussion with him about this.

So where were we…Yeah…so after telling me clearly by shaking his head pretty well in negation that- “khaali hai beta…baith jao!”, I took the other corner. So I finally got a good seat. Now I had to make sure that this man was safe…coz you know, my parents had told me very precisely to keep a check on that. Well here’s the thing- you can’t just start taking interview of any stranger sitting beside you…right? Well it would be so great if someone could explain this to everyone’s parents. So the thing is…one has to judge it just by observing the man’s face. Well my guy was already pissed off by me…and all the time his face was towards his beloved window…so I thought- okay..he doesn’t seems like a guy who would abduct me…and so I was happily settled. So as a confirmation call… I called home and told that their consignment is safe and will reach to them by morning…please be ready to receive it or it might get stolen.

So after all this I just had to wait to reach my destination…which was about 7 hrs away. So I just laid down with Ed Sheeran feeding his amazing lyrics inside my ears through the “feeders”. Well bus had just started when the guy on the other side, in the two seater, shook my hand. I was kinda surprised. Well anyone would…after all that’s not something that happens every time that I travel.

So I asked with a surprised look- Yes?

He said- can you sit here with me?

And I was like- Han? Why?

Then in quick moment I thought about it that why would he be asking me to do that? Well the conclusion I came into was that he too was pretty scared of those thieves and all and wanted someone safe as a seat partner. Well he had a HTC M8 with him, and just by that I made the decision that he seems to be safe and also the man beside me was pissed off by me anyway….so I went in the two seater.

Well it was pretty alright to sit with him till things started to get bit odd. Just few seconds later he started asking that where I was heading to? Umm I said okay this one is one of those who likes to talk….so I told him Haridwar. In response I asked same and be replied same. Then he took out a handkerchief…a pretty big one. Well I was bit scared by that…many thoughts started coming to my mind in a flash-

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Is he a trickster? And how would he make me unconscious now? What way will he choose? Will he offer me a poisoned Apple? But then I thought- ‘Apple season is already over’…and even in market if there is Apple available…it would be pretty expensive…why would he waste his money in Apples when he could do pretty well with just a biscuit! But I had made sure in my mind that no matter what biscuit he offers me… I would strictly say NO to that(though I knew I would never say no to OREOs…well who can say no to Oreos right?).

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Well after thinking a lot about this and listening to 8 more tracks which I had no idea were still playing on my mobile… I was kinda sad that this guy did nothing. Well after all I was prepared to say NO to his biscuits.

So anyways my journey continued. I was strictly asked by my elder brother not to take nap. He said that I was alone and it can be risky. Well you know what…even though if I had tried to sleep… I wouldn’t have succeeded. And you know why? Coz a stupid idiot was playing a stupid bollywood track somewhere around me. And though I am not that fond of raunchy new bollywood songs…but I knew quite a few good ones…. but trust me, this guy was playing something that I had no idea about. This always happens. Every freaking time when you travel anywhere…there is always someone who is playing an unknown song on his mobile which has speakers like we have in parties. And that’s not all…here’s an interesting fact…every time in such cases when there is a guy playing an unknown song…there have to be another one who plays his own song on his own mobile…and that too in even louder tone. It becomes like a mobile song competition. What actually was more torturing for me was that the guy who was giving this other guy competition was none other than my seat-mate. And guess what…he wasn’t using his M8 for this…he had pulled out a Chinese set…as a secret weapon from somewhere…as if he had brought this just for this case only. And thus…all my dreams about dreaming Ema Watson on my way back to home got shattered by this. Well I guess that date will never happen again…thanks those two a-holes.

Well after a while when they both felt little sleepy…there was a bit silence for sometime. Well I thought lets give Avril Lavigne a chance to date me in my dream…maybe it could lead into something. So I closed my eyes again with her song on… I tried to set up the mood. After few beautiful seconds, just when in her song she said- Hey Hey Hey, I wanna be your girlfriend… I started hearing Hanuman Chalisa! Well to be honest I am a big fan of our own beloved superhero and his stories but when you’re on a dreamy date with Avril Lavigne…everything else seems to be useless. Well guess what…it was my seat-mate’s ringtone. He picked it up and it turned out to be his mother.

Well here’s a quick question…I know how mothers are and how much they care about their children but whose mother in this world gets up at night at 3AM to check up on her kid? Well everyone’s mother is like that…I was just kidding…but the point is…just focus here…the point is that my this date got screwed as well.

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So after 30 minutes of “yeah maa I ate on time”…”yeah I am sitting at right place” and all other such stuff he finally stopped talking. By then we had reached Roorkee.

It was about 3:30 in the morning and it was pretty cold and dark outside. The bus had taken a halt in the bus stop of Roorkee…coz it was like a mandatory stop for it. And just when I thought this night can’t go worse a vendor entered the bus. I was pretty surprised to see a vendor at this time of the day…or rather call it night. He entered and started speaking in the best way he can…like actors do in TV advertisements. He was selling an important device actually…no I am not kidding…he was selling mobile chargers which run from Solar power. It was like a powerbank. And guess what…it had almost all kinds of ports…from Nokia’s old ones to new…from Samsung to HTC. Well I thought of having little fun…so I took my Apple iPod out(well little bragging is no harm right…not just iPod…but Apple iPod). So I asked him that can you charge this? Well guess what…he didn’t have any port like that. I am sure from inside he was feeling bit embarrassed…after all I had very unique device…haha. So with that hiatus our vehicle finally left Roorkee.

Well rest of my journey till Haridwar was pretty normal or rather say boring….like those Indian daily soaps in which a bahu’s “Nahiii” has to be shown thrice to make the show 30 min long.

So by 4:15 almost I reached Haridwar. It was pretty unexpected as normally I reach by 5 or 5:30. Well this bus was going to Rishikesh, so I had to get out of this one and take another one towards Dehradun which would take me to my destination – Bhaniyawala.

So almost half an hour passed and no sign of any bus towards Dehradun. Well in fact I actually found one going to Doon. Well when I entered it…I gave him 50₹ note… coz normally it takes about less than 50₹ to reach to my destination- Bhaniyawala. Well after a nice laugh and good one minute argument I found out that I had entered into a Hi-Tech AC bus…aka Volvo. Well so I had to come out of that. Just after checking whole bus stop again and with no luck, I headed towards a local tea stall.

There were many buses standing there. Now just try to imagine how many offers I would have got to go to Delhi, Kotdwar, Shimla, Chandigarh…but damn it…not a single one for Doon. Well I wanted to visit Shimla for sure but couldn’t had just left just like that right…when my parents were already eagerly waiting for their consignment. So there I was in front of the tea stall. I was pretty hungry by that time…so neglecting the usual Samosas and Cream Rolls…my eye’s attention went towards Fruitcake. Let me tell you, I am really fond of fruitcake. But when I picked it up and had a look at it, I lost my whole appetite. On top of that cake was written- Meenakshi Fruitcake. Well I’ve no idea who Meenakshi was but just the idea that they were Meenakshi’s fruitcakes was very odd for me. Well obviously she must be searching for her fruitcakes somewhere and here they were…being served in public. Well to be honest that wasn’t the reason for my lost appetite. It were the houseflies that were hovering around the stall.

So anyways…just then around 5 I heard Dehradun…Dehradun! Oh…that was such a relief. I just ran towards that voice and entered in it to get a window seat before anyone else does. Well at that moment of time a good seat was easily available…that too- a window seat. The conductor took 40₹ and I was off on my way back to home. Well just when I thought everything is normal(boring) again…yet another unusual thing happened. So what happened was…when the bus actually left the Haridwar bus station, conductor counted the number of passengers that should be on board according to the number of tickets. Turns out there was one of the passenger who bought a ticket till Haridwar but didn’t deboard there. So the conductor called out- is there anyone who was supposed to get off at Haridwar? No one replied. He asked again….again no response. Well he became furious now. Well see in Delhi…only people who are concerned about tickets and all are the Ticket Checker team. Conductor in Delhi hardly ever checks anyone’s ticket. But here in UK(oh I love saying UK)…its like a big deal…they have to make sure that everyone bought a ticket…coz after all…out of that money only, they buy their daily dose of half sized desi botal(precisely called in Hindi as botal and not bottle…even though both are exactly same). So now he started checking out tickets of each and every passenger. Well after little search…it turned out that one sleeping Panditji were the one who had to get down at Haridwar and he was so deep into his sleep that he didn’t even realize that bus stopped in Haridwar. Well so he was taken off of the bus and thus the bus moved on.

Just after 10 minutes there was a halt in Motichoor region; a train was passing by. Well in this route from Delhi to Doon this is the only railway crossing. So there we were standing-by for the train to pass and down at my window pane someone knocked. Well I saw down and saw a little kid asking me to buy a garland made of chrysanthemum. Well the thing is that these kids and their families earn their livelihood by these ways. For them these trains are like the only method to earn something. Some of them sell Corn(Bhutta), some Garlands, some coconuts, etc. Well I couldn’t buy a garland from that kid coz it was no use for me. Neither I had won a gold medal in any Olympics that I deserved to wear one nor was it my birthday or marriage(oh I wish it was my marriage). So as soon as train passed…our bus moved again.

Within just half an hour I was finally in Bhaniyawala area. I got off at the point where my father usually waits for me when I come back from Delhi. And as expected, he was there standing there beside our 24 year old Yamaha RX-100. Well say whatever you wanna…but that bike is a gem. Though one of my school time classmate denied to go to farewell with me in that bike…but beside that setback…it has it’s own pride. Its so easy to use and so light-weight that John Abraham can pick 3 of those at once like he did in ….I am really not able to remember which movie.

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So anyways… I gave my heavy bag to my Paa and took the charge of the bike myself. And just within 15 mins or something I was back at home with my lovely Tuffy ready to welcome me.

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So that’s what happens when you take a bus instead of train or airplane. See…what a great adventure one misses.(Well I won’t mind travelling in plane…but it is damn too costly). See the irony here… I live just beside the runway of the only working airport in whole UK and leave the flying thing aside….I’ve never even been inside an airplane or even touched it.

So anyways… I hope you enjoyed the article.