Note- If you’re a person who gets pissed off easily on matters which aren’t even that appalling or if you are a kind whose feminism and chauvinism rise to the level where no one can bear to talk to you anymore, then I am politely asking…don’t read any further.
Do you like Tits?
What would your reaction be for such kind of question? Well if you’re a guy, most probably you’d say -“yeah absolutely”(just in case you’re interested in more masculine features only then maybe the answer could differ). If you’re a girl, then again the answer depends on your sexual orientation(lesbian alert). But why am I asking this… is that what you thinking? Well, coz someone else asked me that and I thought what if I ask it to everyone else. So here I am asking-“Do you like tits?
Well, now what was my response if you feel like knowing. So the point is, that well almost most of the times I am seen by my acquaintances as a person who just studies and does nothing else aka called Nerd. Though I am seriously not a Nerd. So one of my well known friend(a girl…the significance of why I specified it to be a girl will be quite clear in a moment) came to me while I was studying in library and said these beautiful four words terminated by a question mark- Do you like Tits? Maybe now you know why I mentioned that person being a girl coz it’s quite uncommon in India.
As commonly expected I said in a very perplexed manner- “Yeah? 😛That’s an obvious answer. But why you asking this…you like them too? 😳 Coz that would be something absolutely new.” With a poker face 😒 she replied-“Shut up… All day I see you here in this stupid library studying and doing nothing else. Don’t you have a life beyond the boundaries of this bookish world?”
“Girl don’t go off the track here. You were saying something about Tits.” I asked with a curious expression on my face, “So how are tits related to my studies and all?”
She said-“Why you all men are same? That was just an anonymous question that are you even interested in anything else than your bookish crap. Listening to your response, it seems you aren’t that nerd after all.”
“Girl, you’ve no idea how many tits I’ve touched my whole life, you can’t even guess.”
“Really? How many? Seeing at your current state… I bet not even a single one.”
“Well there were 26 cows in my farm and each cow have 4 tits, so it would be 104 tits in total. See…a century of tits”, and then I raised my pen in the air like a batsman does after scoring a century.
That was all she could bear to listen and thus she left. Well, what other response a farmer could’ve possibly given? She talked about tits and I told her the truth. But I am still saying, I am not a nerd.
But hey talking about cows. You all know how sacred a cow is to all the Hindus in India right! Well, let’s not talk about the religious stuff here. So what I wanna tell is that I have a unique habit of manipulating languages that I know. I am no expert of any language but well that doesn’t affect my habit. For example, one of my friends once asked me that what kind of girlfriend do you wish for. I thought for a while and said- “an intellectual bimbo”. So now you can all guess why I am still single.(a 2 minute silence for those who didn’t understand this).
So well moving on…as I was saying that languages can be so so funny sometimes; given that you know more than one. Yeah so I was on my to the college and saw two cows standing erect in middle of the road like they usually like to stand, though I’ve no idea why they suddenly forget to walk in middle of the road. Anyway, so I have a hobby to talk to animals(it’s a really nice hobby let me tell ya), so while passing by them I said little out loud-“Hey Gais(cows)”.
And just beside them on the other end of the road three girls were standing and they looked back and replied -“Oh Hi” ☺️. They were quite good looking, so a wave of hand was all I offered in response though they thought I was gonna say something more. So that turned out to be totally opposite. On the other hand, the cows didn’t even replied back, how rude right?
So if you ask that how come I came to find out this amazing similarity between languages…well it goes way back to my school days. I can still recall that day. Our school had recently won indoor cricket tournament trophy and the team was on the stage and were being praised and applauded in front of the whole assembly. Just then our principal came and said-“look at these guys and learn something from them.” As soon as he said ‘Guys’, a loud ‘Moo’ came from the house built at the back of our school. So that day I learned that even Cows are very educated creatures…well at least they know their name. 😂
Now imagine an Indian visiting Turkey and asking for a dish made of Turkey- “I’d like to have Turkish meatballs.” The waiter would get furious since he is himself Turkish and don’t know that you’re actually asking about the bird 👿. But he still replies keeping his calm- “Sir we don’t have Turkish meatballs, but we’ve Hindi meatball instead.” And well who knows if you’re a Hindu, you might take that as an offensive joke. Now just imagine I’ve not even talked about the scenarios in case of other countries. So languages can create such hilarious situations.
One more such instance which I can recall is when I was on a train to Coimbatore for my SSB. So many a times and in almost all the stations where a train stops, you will find vendors selling various kind of things, mostly eatables. Since speaking English or Hindi is not their forte, but they still try to speak ’em to sell their items. Though sometimes it results into some unique situations. Like, they usually say ‘Khaina’ instead of usual Hindi word for food- ‘Khana’. Now most of the times people traveling in these trains get a wrong impression and start looking for the person who they think is selling the commonly known tobacco product ‘Khaini’. So well that happened quite a few times while I was travelling.
And guess what I found in Google while searching for images of Khaini–
Now coming back to my story of my travel to the southern India. When our train stopped in Tirupati I saw a kid carrying a basket full of Samosas. Since morning I had seen so many unusual things, that seeing a familiar face was like a delight to me. I called the boy and asked how much for one Samosa. He said something in Telugu or Tamil, now I’ve no idea in which language, but he said something. Okay, so all I could understand was dus ke teen and the word-‘Singdya’. Now to the people who don’t know, in Garhwali(since I am a Garhwali) Singdya term is used for a person whose nose is flowing all the time, I mean exactly like this little kid in this image-
I was like what did you just say to me? Singdya? Why would I buy Singdya? Just then a guy sitting beside me said-“Singdya is a local name for Samosa here”. So that’s how I learned that not just the languages, even the dialects have similarities with other languages.
Too long? So let’s finish this post with one more such funny instance related to language. What’s the first thing we are interested in knowing in a language about which we don’t know anything? Any idea? Come on… make a normal guess…it’s not that hard.
Well either it is how to say I love you, which I can guarantee I can say in 15 different languages including the most difficult one that I find to speak in i.e. Manipuri-“ei nang yamna nungshiye”. So now that I am so good in saying I Love You in Manipuri, all I need now is a cute Manipuri girl to say this to… right? Anyway, what’s the second one then? I’ll tell you, it’s cursing someone, yeah the slangs(gaaliyan). Right?
So now that’s not something which interests me in a language. I am more of a romantic person so learning to say I Love You in a language is something quite of an interest to me. But coming back to the incident.
So I was inside the Indian Naval Academy for my SSB and with me there were 62 other guys(men okay, not Gais again… to be really clear). So at night before taking a nap few of us decided to take a bath and well I thought it’s a great idea so I asked to join them as well. It took me a while to get my undergarments and reach the common bathroom. Others were already there laughing about something. I asked them what’s there to laugh, tell me as well. One of my batch-mate said-“Ai Poda Patti”. And they all started laughing again. After a while, one of the guys told me that it’s a slang. The guy who was actually saying it left just after that and me presuming that since he was Marathi so the slang would be in Marathi only, thought of having some fun and went back to my dorm and said it on the face of another guy-“Ai Poda Patti”. Okay before I explain what happened next, this slang is in Malayalam and the guy I said this to was a Malayali himself and adding to that he was 6’2” with a stout body. Now you can imagine what would had happened next. So next time before having some fun with another language, be really careful. And guess what, the meaning of Poda Patti is not that lovely even though it sounds so similar to Potty 💩.
So I hope you Gais enjoyed. And do comment and like if you really liked the post.